Read/Write Reviews

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6,7(NKJV)

SUBMITTED REVIEWS
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   Black Seven: Legend of Venetta Reviews
   
    Overall Impression: You have an amazing story: unique setting and plot, relatable characters, and suspense that builds exponentially in Chapter 1. The plot will keep any reader interested. Good job!

What I liked: The opening sentence hooked me setting an expectation to hear more. I liked some of the technological things explained in the first chapter. In the end, I was left wanting to read more to see what happens next.

Areas for attention: The presentation can be improved somewhat by increasing the text size. I use a 4. The narrative tells the story rather than showing it. Leaving small details to the imagination gives the reader something to think about. Makayna’s every move is documented. For example, in this sentence. “With her father missing, she would have to convince the other scientists of her findings without him, which would be no easy task. Should she talk to the scientists first or contact the security officer?”

Makayna has had years of training with her father. Her analysis proved there was a serious problem with proceeding. My impression is she strongly suspected something not right with her father’s disappearance. I don’t see how she would question whether she should contact security. For me, that is the first place she would go. The reader needs time to ruminate about the story, action, and motives of each side of this conflict.

The plot gets intricate quickly. Many words do not move the story forward. A little rewording would help make the story more dynamic.
by Tracker(writing.com)
		 
2. Makyana headed for the ship. She wanted to meet her father about her findings. The experiment was going to happen soon. She made it and the ship went to the laboratory. On a different planet. However, when she got there, she noticed her father was missing and discovered it had been five months. She reported it to the security and then went to her room. Then she went to the meeting. They were going to test it out despite her warnings.

Great details! The voice is realistic. Good hook for first chapter. That is a great starting point. No spelling or grammar errors found. I really think you have the right amount of info to pull me into her life. It is interesting. Good job and keep up the good work!
		 By Angelica - HappyFather'sDay!(writing.com) Copy the url and paste it in your browser - https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4756093
		 
SAGA OF BAZOR The Hunt Reviews
	1.  Wow...I saw in your portfolio that you've written several chapters and I must say that your prologue piqued my interest as a lover of fantasy/fiction/sci-fi.

You had a lot of information to provide in a limited space. A challenge in itself.

I am curious as to how they caused the accident and figured they had the right to relocate the beings they almost drowned. Just say...I'd be a bit ticked...LOL.

If they were primitive beings (depending on the technology of their passenger ship.) They were relocated and taught the basics... wouldn't they already have the basics? They built a passenger ship so they must have skills.

Perhaps, amplify the captain's sense of duty and responsibility as he faced the quandary of causing the accident and being responsible for it (builds tension and interest)

eg. Even though he was burdened with the additional mission it angered him that they'd given him these orders...
Why would they want him to move them from a home that had been theirs for over 100 years?...

Overall, you've done a great job in providing lots of details about the content of the remainder of your book. Your work is well-written and interesting. As I've said, I'd want to read it.

I do feel that the first paragraph is not at par with the rest of the paragraphs. It's rough and doesn't flow as smoothly as the rest in descriptiveness/clarity.

eg. The (alien species name?)captain, with a frown on his (distinctive feature) gray face, marched to his saucer. His first mate, (description of first mate), walked beside him ....

Thank you for sharing your talent. You've obviously spent a lot of time honing your story and it shows in the high-level writing. Grammatically, you're a pro. (I need you to proofread my work...LOL).

I hope that I've been helpful in my suggestions/feedback. They are only from my perspective and feel free to ignore me. LOL.

You've done an excellent job! Wow and Wow!

Yes, feel free to post this review.
		 by Dragonline(writing.com)
		 
2.  
		 
		 
		 
		 
SAGA OF BAZOR Guardian of Secrets Reviews
		 
		 
SAGA OF BAZOR Verria's Gift Reveiws
		 
		 
		 
Experiences in Fishing Reviews
		 
1.  It's a good start. Does a great job setting the tone and stage for the rest of the story to come.

The only thing to fix is that you have a couple unnecessary commas. In the first paragraph you don't need a comma after "I suspect". Same for the comma after "dress" in the third paragraph.

This has potential to be a great book! I like the premise and how it is starting.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!
		 By The Puppet Master(writing.com)
		 
2.  You write your opening chapter with humor, irony and warmth, describing the hard work you’ve put in to get everything ready for a day of fishing. Are the kids going along with you? Is it the weekend? The summer? Perhaps a little more descriptive scene setting would be nice, but I guess we all know what a lake looks like *Laugh*

As a recounting of a personal experience and your life story, I don’t want to make the same suggestions which I might if it were a fictional story. But any good story, true or imagined, has certain characteristics which make it interesting and help to make it more of a story than an “article,” for instance. These include goals, stakes, and obstacles, which drive character development and elevate conflict, which in turn makes us read on to discover the resolution. But you can tell your story just the way it’s going. I do like your style, which comes across as homey and relatable.

I have a couple super minor typos to point out:

~ still must dress, the kids, get an extra comma.
~ I also noted that this is also good “also” doesn’t need to be repeated.
~ explain them to them as we go unclear who you’re explaining it to.

Other than that, this comes across as an amusing and informative read. I look forward to checking out the rest of your entries.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing 
		 By Amethyst Angel(writing.com)
		 
3.  I enjoyed the conversational and humorous tone of this piece that sets up for a story full of amusing anecdotes. For people who know nothing about fishing, such as myself, it was useful to have the list of equipment and what it is used for alongside more humorous notes on the items based on experience, such as that catfish like to nibble human toes and that the hooks can pose a variety of dangers.
The opening with the main character getting up at 3am worked well to pose intrigue and the reason why she needed to do so was well explained. I enjoyed this vivid description of how tired she feels: "I have toothpicks holding up my eyelids".

Some suggestions:
Perhaps there is a missing word here (e.g. wake and dress the kids): "I still must dress, the kids, get the dog ready, and feed the cat"
I'd like to know that the kids and dog are going on the fishing trip too at this point as that wasn't clear to me until the kids got into the car. How do they feel about the fishing trip when they get woken up early -- do they spring awake excited or react in a more grumpy way?
		 By HollyMerry(writing.com)

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